“No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard. Parenthood chooses you. And you open your eyes, look at what you've got, say "Oh, my gosh," and recognize that of all the balls there ever were, this is the one you should not drop. It's not a question of choice.”
- Marisa de los Santos
We have been patiently waiting until the time we felt was right to share with everyone our happy news. We are having a baby! We went for an ultra-sound today and had it confirmed that we are having a little girl! I say confirmed because at our last ultra-sound, we were told it was a girl. I'll be honest, I was terrified when our doctor said, "Well, its still early (14 weeks 4 days) to tell for sure but see those three lines? That is HER sandwich. Its a girl.". Don't ask me why she calls it a sandwich...
To be honest, we were both hoping for a little baby boy. I guess we figured that it would be easier for us. We both aren't exactly the girliest girls you'll run into. I had a feeling, a gut feeling you could say, that we were having a girl. So after we were told, it took me a minute to get used to the idea but now I am so stoked. I am so excited to have a little girl on the way! We have been clothes shopping and I have never been so excited by a dress before in my life. I love all the cute little bows and pinks and purples.
So, now comes all the questions. Well here are some of the answers. Who is carrying? Cort is carrying our baby. Where did the sperm come from? Obviously, we needed sperm since (thank God) I don't have the equipment for that, we went through a sperm bank out of California. No, we don't know the donor. The donor is anonymous. We searched through hundreds of profiles to come to this one in particular. Cort and I both picked our top three and then came together and revealed them. He was the one that we both had in our top three. We felt really great about going with him after looking through all of his profile.
There is one doctor that we could find in Utah that would treat same-sex couples. I believe I posted about that before but in case I haven't I'll give a brief synopsis of that. We called and were turned down from about 6 different doctors across the state before we got to Dr. Russell Foulk with the Utah Fertility Clinic. Their office is amazing!! They invited us in with open arms and no judgements. We did the whole process of intra-uterine insemination there in the office. It worked on the first round. Yay! We then got a OB/GYN to follow us through the rest of the pregnancy. Dr. Foulk only does the "getting pregnant" part. We were nervous to find an OB that would accept us. We went to my old OB who treated me for endometriosis and she was more than welcoming. So we have been with her ever since and we absolutely love her!
Our baby's due date is June 23, 2013. Her birthday will fall right inbetween Cort's (July 18) and mine (June 4). I think that is pretty neat. We chose Kylee Sue Child to be her name. Kylee is a name we both love and Sue is Cort's middle name. She will take my last name because Cort is taking my last name when we get legally married.
It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that having kids was the right thing to do for me. I always thought I wanted kids but after going through some lows in my life I wasn't sure. There is a quote that I found when I was really trying to figure out whether or not I was meant to have kids that I absolutely love.
“Parenthood...It's about guiding the next generation, and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause
My childhood wasn't much of a childhood. Yes, I played a lot and got to do some really fun things, but adulthood was thrust on me from as far back as I can remember. It goes without saying that no parent is perfect and although mine tried their hardest, I ended up having to experience some things that I have scars from and carry to this day. My biggest fear was that if I had kids, would I end up making the same mistakes as the generations before me? I realized that I will definitely make mistakes, and by God I swear there are some mistakes made by the generations before me that I will not make, but thats okay. As long as I try my best and my mistakes are not things that my kids will pay for the rest of their lives, than I will be a good enough parent. My kids will have to learn to forgive me for the mistakes that I will make and hopefully they will learn from them.
We are both excited and terrified at the same time for parenthood. Its not longer about just Cort and I. We have a precious baby coming into this world that like the quote above stated
"...and recognize that of all the balls there ever were, this is the one you should not drop. It's not a question of choice.” Lets be honest, I'm pretty sure every new parent is terrified of literally "dropping" your baby. But all jokes aside, my life is now dedicated to giving this child a good life and not "dropping the ball". That, surprisingly enough, has brought more happiness to me than I can describe.
Here is Kylee Sue Child